Ever been standing in the grocery store at 3pm, stomach growling, and suddenly that family-size bag of chips seems like a perfectly reasonable dinner plan?
Later that evening, comfortably full and calm, you may look at the receipt and wonder what you were thinking.
The person who made that purchase decision feels like a stranger.
This disconnect is the hot-cold empathy gap. It describes our tendency to underestimate how different emotional states affect our behavior.
When we're calm and rational - in what psychologists call a "cold state" - we struggle to predict how we'll act when we're hungry, tired, stressed, or excited. And when we're in those heightened "hot states," we can't quite remember what it felt like to be calm.
This matters because we make plans in cold states but execute them in hot ones. We commit to early morning workouts while lying in bed at night, forgetting how different 6am will feel. We promise ourselves we'll stick to a budget, then find ourselves impulse-buying when we're bored or anxious.
Experts in the field suggest we face real challenges predicting our behavior across these emotional shifts, and we tend to make different choices when emotional compared to when we're thinking rationally.
The gap works both ways: we underestimate how powerful our impulses will be, and we overestimate our future self-control.
Build friction into hot-state decisions. If you know you overspend when stressed, delete your saved payment information from shopping apps.
Make the impulse purchase slightly harder to complete. The extra thirty seconds might be enough for the hot state to cool.
Shop, email, and text with a delay. Write the angry message if you need to, but save it as a draft. Buy the item, but leave it in your cart overnight. These cooling-off periods let you check decisions across emotional states.
Plan for your hot states specifically. Don't just decide to "eat healthier", pack specific snacks for when you're hungry and rushed.
Don't just commit to "save more", set up automatic transfers that happen before you feel the temptation to spend.
Track one pattern this week. Notice when you're making plans (probably in a calm state) and when you're executing them (possibly in a different state).
The awareness itself helps bridge the gap.
We can't eliminate the empathy gap, but we can design around it. Your future self might be in a completely different emotional state—plan accordingly.
Did this resonate with you? Forward it on to someone who could use it too. These insights are better when shared.
Cheers,
Alex
Disclaimer: I'm a curious researcher, not a licensed psychologist. I study these concepts because I believe understanding how our minds work can help us navigate life more effectively. This content is for educational purposes only and should not replace professional advice. Please consult qualified professionals for personal guidance. Individual results may vary, and readers should use their own judgment when applying these concepts.