We all have that one decision we keep circling but never quite land on. Maybe you tell yourself you’ll deal with it tomorrow. Maybe you pretend it’s not that urgent. Meanwhile, it quietly grows roots.
This pattern shows up everywhere in decision-making: the job search that keeps getting postponed, the difficult conversation we avoid, the financial mess we just can't bring ourselves to tackle. And here's what makes it tricky: inaction feels like the safe choice, but behavioral activation theory suggests that avoidance can maintain the very problems we're trying to escape.
Behavioral activation is the psychological principle that our actions shape our mental state more than our mental state shapes our actions.
It flips the usual logic on its head. We think we need to feel motivated before we act, but the research suggests it works the other way around - action creates motivation, not the other way around.
When we’re stuck on a decision, our brain defaults to avoidance.
We wait for clarity, for the perfect moment, for that surge of motivation that'll make everything easier. But clinical guidance notes that avoiding activities often leads to fewer positive experiences and can worsen the cycle of inaction.
The pattern is sort of wild because it's self-reinforcing. We avoid the problem, which means we don't get the small wins that come from tackling it, which makes the problem feel even more overwhelming, which makes us avoid it more. Out decision-making capacity actually shrinks the longer you wait.
Now that we recognize this, here is how we can use this: Start with the smallest possible action related to your stuck decision. Not the whole thing, just one tiny step.
Struggling with a career decision? Don't research every option, just email one person in the field you're considering. Can't decide whether to move? Don't tour apartments, just drive through the neighborhood once. Avoiding a financial decision? Don't overhaul the budget, just log into your bank account and look at one month of spending.
The action doesn't need to solve anything. It just needs to break the avoidance pattern and provide one small data point. That single step tends to create momentum. We get information, we feel slightly more capable, and the next step becomes easier to imagine.
Then repeat. Each small action makes the decision feel less paralyzing and gives us real information to work with instead of abstract worry.
Our brain will resist this because it wants the perfect plan before we move. Ignore that instinct. Movement creates clarity, not the other way around.
Did this resonate with you? Forward it on to someone who could use it too. These insights are better when shared.
Cheers,
Alex
Disclaimer: I'm a curious researcher, not a licensed psychologist. I study these concepts because I believe understanding how our minds work can help us navigate life more effectively. This content is for educational purposes only and should not replace professional advice. Please consult qualified professionals for personal guidance. Individual results may vary, and readers should use their own judgment when applying these concepts.