Have you ever scrolled through your favorite streaming platform at 11 PM, swiping past dozens of shows and movies until everyone starts looking the same?
Or sat staring at a menu with dozens of dishes until nothing sounds good?
More options should make things easier, right?
Instead, we often end up paralyzed, second-guessing, or wondering if something better is just one more option away.
When we're bombarded with too many possibilities - whether in small daily decisions or bigger ones like how (or with whom) we spend our time and energy - we tend to struggle more, not less.
This same experience also plays out in our love lives, believe it not, and it’s known as the paradox of choice.
When we have too many potential options (might be potential partners on dating apps, date ideas for Saturday night, or ways to spend quality time together with our partner or spouse) we tend to struggle more with decisions, not less.
As experts at Together Agency explain, when we face too many options, we often experience choice overload, leading to decision paralysis or dissatisfaction with whatever we finally choose.
The relationship version of this shows up everywhere.
We match with someone interesting but keep swiping "just to see what else is out there."
We plan a date night but spend 45 minutes scrolling restaurant options until we're too tired to go anywhere.
We compare our relationship to the highlight reels we see on social media, according to Sustainability Directory, creating a confusing mix of idealized lifestyles that makes it hard to know what actually fits our values and needs.
The wild part? Having fewer options might actually make us happier with our choices. We assume more possibilities means better outcomes, but research suggests the opposite may be true: we're more likely to commit and feel satisfied when we're not constantly wondering about alternatives.
If the idea of having fewer options feels counterintuitive, think of it as a strategy rather than a sacrifice.
Now that you know how "choice overload" can subtly undermine your happiness, you can take control by setting your own rules. Here are a few practical ways to lower the stakes and start making decisions that actually stick:
Set artificial limits for yourself. If you're on dating apps, commit to thoroughly considering your next five matches before swiping further.
Planning a date? Give yourself three restaurant options max, then pick one within five minutes. The goal isn't to settle, it's to protect yourself from the exhaustion of infinite comparison.
Create "good enough" criteria for relationship decisions. Before you start evaluating options, write down what actually matters to you.
For a partner, maybe it's shared values and genuine conversation. For date night, maybe it's trying something new together. When you find an option that checks your boxes, choose it and move on.
Practice commitment over comparison. When you're with your partner, notice when you start mentally comparing them to other people or relationships you see online.
That's the paradox whispering that you might be missing out.
Redirect your attention to what's actually in front of you, the real person, not the imagined alternative.
Sometimes good enough really is good enough, and the relationship we build with our actual choice matters more than the theoretical one we passed up.
Did this resonate with you? Forward it on to someone who could use it too. These insights are better when shared.
Cheers,
Alex
Disclaimer: I'm a curious researcher, not a licensed psychologist. I study these concepts because I believe understanding how our minds work can help us navigate life more effectively. This content is for educational purposes only and should not replace professional advice. Please consult qualified professionals for personal guidance. Individual results may vary, and readers should use their own judgment when applying these concepts.