Your department head pings you to ask if you can step up and present the Q2 roadmap at a big client meeting next week.
Your stomach drops. "There's no way. I've never ran a client presentation, and I'm swamped with this current sprint."
"Totally get it," they say. "What if you just write the talking points for me, and I'll be the one to actually present it?"
And suddenly… that doesn't sound so bad. You hear yourself saying yes.
Here's what just happened: You got door-in-the-faced.
The Door-in-the-Face technique is a compliance strategy that works through reciprocal concessions. Someone makes an unreasonably large request they know you'll refuse, then follows up with a smaller request - the one they actually wanted all along.
So we say yes to something we might have turned down if they'd asked for it first.
It's called Door-in-the-Face because the initial request is so big, it's like slamming a door in someone's face. The smaller request feels reasonable by comparison.
We see this everywhere in professional life.
The client who asks for a two-week turnaround, then "compromises" at three weeks (which was their target all along).
The colleague who proposes a massive budget increase, then settles for the moderate bump they actually needed.
The recruiter who floats an unrealistic salary expectation, making their real offer seem more palatable.
And it works.
Awareness of influence techniques like this can sometimes help reduce their impact — simply knowing the pattern exists gives you a better chance of spotting it and deciding how to respond.
First, notice the pattern. When someone makes a big ask and quickly backs down to something smaller, pause. Ask yourself: Is this second request what they wanted all along? Would I have said yes to this if they'd led with it?
Second, reset the anchor. Don't let the initial request frame what's "reasonable." If someone asks you to present at five conferences this quarter, then "compromises" to three, you're still comparing against five. Step back and ask: What would I have said yes to if they'd asked me cold?
Third, use it ethically. This week, if you need to negotiate something (budget, timeline, resources) consider what your real target is.
You don't have to manipulate anyone, but you can frame your initial proposal in a way that makes your actual goal seem more reasonable. Just don't be the person who makes ridiculous asks and wonders why no one trusts you.
The technique works because reciprocity is hardwired.
Did this resonate with you? Forward it on to someone who could use it too. These insights are better when shared.
Cheers,
Alex
Disclaimer: I'm a curious researcher, not a licensed psychologist. I study these concepts because I believe understanding how our minds work can help us navigate life more effectively. This content is for educational purposes only and should not replace professional advice. Please consult qualified professionals for personal guidance. Individual results may vary, and readers should use their own judgment when applying these concepts.