You're sitting on the couch. Your partner is on their laptop, toggling between tabs.
"This one has better reviews, but this one has a nicer kitchen. Wait, let me check another site."
It's been four nights of this.
You suggested a place on day one that looked great. They said "let's keep looking."
You're not annoyed because they're thorough. You're annoyed because you can feel the goalpost moving.
Every time they find a good option, "good" stops being good enough.
This is the collision of two fundamentally different decision-making styles: satisficing and maximizing.
Satisficers set a threshold ("good enough") and stop searching once they hit it.
Maximizers keep searching for the absolute best option, even after they've found something objectively great.
The constant search for "better" doesn't lead to better outcomes. It leads to chronic low-grade dissatisfaction, even when their relationships are objectively good.
Maximizers aren't just comparing vacation rentals or restaurant menus. They're running the same algorithm on everything, including the people in their lives.
Am I with the right person?
Could I be happier with someone else?
Is this friendship as fulfilling as it could be?
The problem isn't the questions. It's that maximizers ask them endlessly, even when the answer is already "yes, this is good."
Studies on wellbeing show that maximizers experience more anxiety, regret, and dissatisfaction, not because their choices are worse, but because they can never stop evaluating them. Every relationship becomes a provisional decision, always up for review.
Mid-week check:
First, notice when you're maximizing in your relationships. Have you caught yourself mentally comparing your partner to an ex, or wondering if a friend "gets you" as much as someone else might?
That's the algorithm running. You don't have to act on it. Just notice it's happening.
Second, set a threshold and honor it. If your partner is kind, reliable, and makes you laugh - if they meet the criteria that matter to you - that's not "good enough" as a consolation prize. That's the actual prize.
Satisficing isn't settling. It's recognizing when you've already won.
Third, redirect the search energy. Maximizers aren't wrong to want great things. But the energy spent searching for a better option could be spent making your current relationships better.
Before the weekend, pick one small thing you can do to invest in a relationship you already have.
Text a friend you've been meaning to call. Plan something low-key with your partner. Stop shopping. Start building.
The best relationships aren't found. They're chosen, and then chosen again, without the algorithm running in the background.
What's one relationship where you could stop searching and start choosing?
Did this resonate with you? Forward it on to someone who could use it too. These insights are better when shared.
Cheers,
Alex
Disclaimer: I'm a curious researcher, not a licensed psychologist. I study these concepts because I believe understanding how our minds work can help us navigate life more effectively. This content is for educational purposes only and should not replace professional advice. Please consult qualified professionals for personal guidance. Individual results may vary, and readers should use their own judgment when applying these concepts.