Your colleague is about to present to the leadership team for the first time. You can see it in their posture - shoulders slightly hunched, fidgeting with their notes.
Someone makes a joke: "Don't worry, they’re pretty laid back. Usually."
Everyone laughs. Your colleague smiles, but you notice they're gripping their pen tighter.
Later, you watch them stumble through the intro. They apologize twice in the first two minutes.
The presentation itself is solid, but they deliver it like they're waiting for someone to interrupt and tell them to sit down.
Here's what just happened: the room's low expectations became a weight your colleague carried into that presentation. And whether anyone meant to or not, those expectations shaped how they showed up.
This is known as the Golem effect, the quieter, more insidious sibling of the Pygmalion effect.
We've all heard that high expectations can lift performance (that's Pygmalion). But when someone picks up on our low expectations, their performance actually drops to match what we're projecting.
It's not that they're less capable. It's that our doubt becomes a signal they internalize.
We broadcast these expectations constantly without realizing it.
A lukewarm introduction. A joke that lands just slightly wrong. The way we assign someone a "safe" task instead of a challenging one.
Research on these effects shows they're not just theoretical, they have tangible impacts on how people perform, whether it's students in a classroom, soldiers in training, or your colleague in that conference room.
And here's where it gets tricky - most of us think we're being supportive when we lower the stakes. "Don't worry, it's no big deal." "Just get through it." We're trying to ease the pressure.
But what the other person hears is: "I don't expect much from you."
So what do we do about it?
First, audit your setup language. Before someone steps into a high-stakes moment, notice what you're communicating. Are you softening expectations to be kind, or are you actually signaling doubt?
Instead of "Just do your best," try "I'm looking forward to hearing your take on this." It's a small shift, but it reframes the moment as an opportunity, not a test they might fail.
Second, treat people like they're already capable. This is about behavior, not pep talks. Give them the challenging assignment. Ask for their opinion in the meeting. Introduce them as someone whose perspective matters.
When we act like someone belongs, they start to believe it too. And belief changes performance.
Before you sign off for the week, think about one person you'll interact with Monday. What expectations are you carrying into that interaction? Are you assuming they'll need hand-holding? That they'll miss the point? That they're not ready? Notice it.
Then ask yourself: what would change if you expected them to surprise you?
We shape each other more than we realize. Might as well shape upward.
Hit reply and tell me about a time someone's expectations (high or low) changed how you showed up. I'd love to hear it.
Did this resonate with you? Forward it on to someone who could use it too. These insights are better when shared.
Cheers,
Alex
Disclaimer: I'm a curious researcher, not a licensed psychologist. I study these concepts because I believe understanding how our minds work can help us navigate life more effectively. This content is for educational purposes only and should not replace professional advice. Please consult qualified professionals for personal guidance. Individual results may vary, and readers should use their own judgment when applying these concepts.